Speaking of hate - I have always found this to be such a harsh and finalizing word. I interpret the word "hate" to mean that there are absolutely no positive aspects to the object - but I believe if you look hard enough you can always find something positive. There are many things that I dislike or will not tolerate, but I am hard pressed to name any thing I truly hate. Actions or behaviours however are a different story.
As I become more self aware and more in tune with my core values I find my tolerance of disrespect has diminished exponentially. Many years ago I learned that you cannot advocate for others, so now I advocate for myself. My first steps are to put my needs first.
A friend of mine reminded me that putting my needs first is not selfish, but mandatory. This was easily explained using the airplane emergency procedures - adults must put on the oxygen mask first, then assist children. Simply put - if you can't breathe you are no good to anyone.
I am not very good at putting my needs first. Too many times I have re-arranged/ cancelled/ missed events that were important to me in order to "be there" for a friend/ family member/ acquaintance. In turn I often find that I have no one there for me when I need them.
Does this mean that I have bad friends? Not at all. It means that I have friends who are putting their needs first and I need to start doing the same. I need to feel equally good about choosing to do something or choosing NOT to do something. I need to choose what is best for me at that time.
I have spent so much of my life trying to "keep the peace" that I resigned all my needs. Now if asked, other than the basic needs of life, I couldn't tell you what I NEED. Right now I am learning some of my likes/ dislikes by trying new things. I am learning some of my needs by trial and error and how the outcome affects my self esteem.
So for now I choose to be MOTIVATED not manipulated.
Peace
