Death. I find it surprising that I can feel so much sadness and emptiness for the loss of someone that I have never met in my life. The recent suicide of Chester Bennington has impacted me in ways I was not expecting. The range of emotions I have felt since hearing of his death on July 20th has fascinated me, so much so that I felt the need to dust off my journal and start writing again.
Linkin Park is one of my favourite bands. Their lyrics, combined with Chester's angst ridden screams, has always struck a chord with me. Many people have told me that they felt that Linkin Park's music was too angry, too Emo, or just too depressing to enjoy. For me their music was exactly the opposite. The lyrics spoke to me. Chester's (and Mike's) voice told me I was not alone in how I was feeling. That there are others in this world who feel all the same things that I do, and as deeply as I do.
The 'angry' songs articulated my feelings of frustration in ways I was unable to articulate. Some days I just wanted to say to people 'listen to this....this is what I think'. The 'Emo' songs conveyed my heartbreak and disappointment to depths that I was not willing to travel alone. These songs helped me understand that I was the one with the power and that I could either be a victim or heal myself and be a victor. The 'depressing' songs reminded me that even though things may seem dark at this time there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. The 'depressing' songs were perhaps the most influential songs to me. They made me realize how many people struggle with inner demons and how it's not just a battle, that it is a way of life.
In many of my posts I have referenced that I am 'lost' or am 'tired'. For some reason I have seen 'coping' as loosing the fight, as a weakness. I am now seeing that COPING is WINNING. Coping is the best that anyone with any mental illness can do, similar to an alcoholic, drug addict, etc. Mental illness, regardless of the type, is a real struggle many face. Perhaps understanding the darkness is not the way to help those who are struggling with mental illness, perhaps it is simply accepting the darkness exists for them and being there by their side when they are struggling is the best we can do. Chester was always by my side - just there when ever I needed him - perhaps this is why his death has had such a profound effect on me.
Hoping you have now found the inner peace you deserve Chester.
"Flying at the speed of light, thoughts were spinning in my head. So many things were left unsaid. It's hard to let you go." ~ Linkin Park
Peace
