Revenge. I have heard this several times throughout my journey "The best revenge is living a good life". This saying has always frustrated me to no end. How the heck I am supposed to live a good life when my ex-husband is happier without me than with me and I can't seem to get past a second date with anyone? A good life means my life has to be better than his right?
WRONG! I have never thought of myself as an idiot, but let me tell you, I certainly feel like one right now. I was too wrapped up in 'besting' my ex that I couldn't see that I was not only living a good life, but living an AMAZING life. I have finally realized that I have never been happier in my life.
I have wonderful and supportive friends who think the world of me. I have the most respectful and beautiful children who think the world of me. I have a steady income which allows me to buy my $4.26 note books and keeps a roof over my head. On top of all of these things I have finally realized that I am happy with who I am. I am finally seeing what everyone around me has always seen.
For the last month or so I have had so many people comment on my profile pictures saying how happy I look in them. I have had co-workers comment on how happy my voice mail sounds. Friends have mentioned how relaxed and stress free I look. For the longest time I kept thinking that they were humouring me or being sarcastic, now I finally get it - I look and sound happy because I AM HAPPY!
What I also see now is that 'living a good life' does not mean having things like a boyfriend, lots of money or a fancy car, it means being truly happy from the inside out, not just shiny on the surface.
My wish for everyone reading this post is to strive to live a good life and get rid of the superficial happiness.
Peace
Life is about making memories. They may be good, bad or ugly, but nonetheless they are your memories.
Children have a unique ability to remember how an event made them feel rather than the actual event itself. One of my fondest childhood memories is picking raspberries with my cousin at her cottage. I remember spending hours in the bushes putting the raspberries in my Montreal Expos hat and all of us eating more raspberries than we ever took back to the cottage.
If you were to ask me when this was my answer would be every summer - all summer until I moved to Southern Ontario. In reality it was 1 day out of one visit 1 summer. Even more surprising to me is the fact that my cousin NEVER liked raspberries.
I guess the point that I am trying to make here is that its not about how much you have, how much you spend or how much you do that creates a lasting memory - it's about how you feel and how you make those around you feel that makes something memorable.
Having returned from our family vacation I asked my kids what was the best part of the vacation. The answer was a resounding "Harry Potter World". When I asked 'why?' my youngest said "because it made you so happy Mommy."
Peace
I need help from all of my readers out there. I need to learn how to live in the "now". I want to understand how to stop setting hopes and expectations so high that others feel they will never be good enough to meet my standards.
I like to know where I am going. I don't necessarily need to know how I am going to get there, but I need direction. How does one just live for today, enjoy today and not worry about what may or may not be tomorrow? Is it human nature? Is it a female thing? Or am I just a personality type that has trouble coping with no direction?
I am looking to learn. I would like to know how each of you live in the now. Do you live in the now? Are you a planner? Do you set expectations and hopes? How do you manage your expectations? Does anyone out there even understand what the heck I am talking about?
This is not a test. There are no right or wrong answers. I want to understand, to learn and to grow on a personal level. Your assistance regarding this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Peace
A friend of mine explained to me that in Project Management there are times when time of death (TOD) needs to be called on the project. This happens when the cost of the project - required resources, time, materials - outweigh the benefits of implementation. This can happen in projects that have been ongoing or just getting off the ground.
Working on many projects and having a very analytical mind I have applied this concept to relationships - or specifically 'potential' relationships. After having date after date cancelled and managing to meet twice over a 3 week period I have decided to call TOD.
This was not an easy decision, as there was 'potential' there; however, to me respect and communication are key factors in a relationship. Without these elements the relationship is doomed to fail. Over the last few weeks communication between 'coffee dates' has been like pulling teeth. When we meet face to face neither of us can stop talking, but in between meetings there were issues.
So I have decided to pack it in and move on. Am I upset? Yes. Do I wish I knew what went wrong? Absolutely. But the one thing that I do know is how far I have travelled in my journey. The fact that I can identify and call TOD before too much time and resources have been invested in the project is amazing and something I am proud of.
When I meet my responsible, honest and loving partner our relationship will be easy - not a struggle. There will be respect and communication even when we are not face to face. So, I am back online and off to meet another potential suitor for coffee.
Peace
I find myself wondering if I am a dating "snob". I have a hard time taking compliments from men who are shirtless in their pictures. You know what - news flash - some things are better left to the imagination.
Through my online dating adventures I honestly try not to judge a book by its cover, but some of the things I see and read just boggle my mind. I get that no one is perfect, but quite often proof reading would be a first simple step to success. You wouldn't believe how many men want to get to 'no' me. I'm sorry, but there are typos and type nos.
While I am on the topic of "um...no", I wonder what exactly I would have in common with someone 20 years my senior? Or junior for that matter. Yes, I know many people who are with someone older - but these are men I have never met or chatted with and apparently I am the woman of their dreams.
Does it make me a dating snob because I have standards, expectations and basic requirements? I'm looking for a partner to share my life with, for an equal, a life companion. All of these things imply that my future partner should be intelligent, employed and have all his teeth - should it not? Or am I expecting too much? I guess I just expect my future partner to be on a par with me. Does this make me a snob?
I am a kind, intelligent, loving, caring, financially stable woman - do I not deserve the same in a man? I think I do. Does that make me a shallow person? Perhaps it does - but there is something to be said for similarities. Opposites may attract but what is left when the flames die down? I am at the point in my life where I will take an intelligent stimulating conversation over attraction any day.
Peace
According to Merrian-Webster the definition of respect (noun) is an act of giving particular attention: CONSIDERATION; a willingness to show appreciation or consideration.
Some people seek the ever elusive butterfly called 'happiness', whereas I seek the beast called 'respect'. Respect has several meanings and means different things to different people. To me respect means treating others as you want to be treated.
Why is it so hard for some people to be respectful? Is it because they don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me the truth? Is it because they honestly don't know that they are being disrespectful? I give up. Your guess is as good as mine.
Does everyone really have a different opinion of what 'respect' means or does it have a universal meaning? Perhaps many consider me to be 'too sensitive', but if you have plans to go out somewhere and those plans change the respectful thing to do is to let the other person know something has come up and cancel.
Peace
Thank you for being a friend. This line sums it all up. After spinning my wheels all month doing a 'pity' dance my friends gave me the ass whooping I needed.
They reminded me that I am not who my ex-husband says I am, I am me. They reminded me that what my ex-husband does is no reflection on me, it's his choice. Most importantly they reminded me to love myself - and I when I don't know how to - that they are there to show me.
How do you tell someone that you admire and respect them without coming across as insincere or phony, never mind corny or sappy? Bromance movies attempt to deal with this subject in a comedic way. Chick flicks deal with the situation head on, but either way, we all know life is not a movie.
I have decided 2 things. First, I give my friends permission to tell me to "suck it up and move on". I believe that I have moved past the 'hand holding' stage and what I required most now is a reality check. I need to stop idealizing the past and see it for what it truly was - and my friends, having been there, can remind me of that. When I am moping PLEASE REMIND ME - I give you all permission - you have it in writing.
Secondly I have decided to create yet another list (I love lists!). A list of all the people who have helped me throughout my journey. My intention is to isolate the trait that I admire the most for each person on the list. I know, this is not going to be easy.
In addition to isolating the one trait I admire most I am going to challenge myself to tell each and every person "what" I admire about them. This will be the most challenging piece for me because I want it to be sincere, not hokey, as I am truly thankful for all the help and positive energy I have received from all my friends throughout my journey.
I love you man!
Peace
