B.Y.O.B.

Expectations, we all have them. Some are reasonable and some are not. Problems tend to happen when 'pre-determined' expectations are not met. If you order food at a restaurant and it's not hot, it is returned - the expectation is that the food will be served hot - to most, this is a reasonable expectation. Expectations regarding human behaviour fall into a gray area.

Recently I have been questioning how reasonable my expectations are when it comes to everything in my life. For example when dating someone who says they are dating other woman is it reasonable to have an expectation that the 'other women' does not include dating your friends at the same time? Or is that an unreasonable expectation as they are women and as such fall into the 'fair game' category.

Another example, when going out for dinner at a bar there is a general expectation that if they serve food they serve coffee - apparently not - but I digress. Is it an unreasonable expectation to consider a "great place" to be one where it's patrons (in their 50's to 60's) aren't stumbling around drunk, puking on tables, starting fights and smoking pot out back? Or are my expectations of a "great place" just too high for today's society?

I sit here wondering if I have unreasonable expectations. Am I too judgemental? Am I a snob? Or am I just involved in the 'wrong' activities with the 'wrong' people in the wrong 'locations' for me? Am I becoming less tolerant? Or has something changed?

Why should I even care? Because I am no longer enjoying my group activities. Is it because of the change of venue? The change of activity? Or is it my "high" expectations? Regardless of the reason I find myself becoming more despondent with every passing week.

I strongly believe that I should enjoy what I am doing in my free time and if I am not enjoying these activities I should just not do them. I also get that everyone is entitled to their opinions, myself included, as well as their own 'expectations'. I guess what is bothering me is for some reason I have been made to feel as if my expectations are too high when I really believe that I am not be unreasonable at all.

So is my current frustration caused by my lack of ability to 'compromise' my expectations? And if so does that not inherently make my expectations too high? Am I really so 'out of touch' with reality that I am blind to the true nature of people? Do I expect too much?

I don't really have an answer. I guess right now all I can do is stop trying to put a square peg in a round hole. Perhaps I need to lay low for a while.

Peace

Wastelands

An interesting thing happened to me the other day when I was purchasing an album on iTunes, no that's not the interesting part. The interesting part was that before iTunes would allow me to purchase the album I had to read and acknowledge that I read a warning message. The warning message was that this album was 'different' than the last few albums the band had released. I should hope this album is different - why would I buy a rehash of the last few albums?

Really? Does society as a whole complain so much that now artists no longer have creative licence? First you "warn me" that my coffee is hot. Then you "notify me" that Barbie does not actually talk. Now you "alert me" that my favourite band's new album is not like their last ones. Are people that stupid? Is it greed? Or is it just everyone is trying to meet unrealistic expectations?

Perhaps it's my age. I remember when if you liked a band you bought their album. There was no way to 'pre-screen' their songs unless they were played on the radio. If you liked a song but weren't too sure about spending money on the entire album you couldn't download just one song. No, you had to sit by the radio with your tape recorder and 'hope to hell' that the DJ did not talk at the beginning or the end of the song. If you had great finger reflexes and you were very lucky you would get your favourite song recorded without any talking or other songs.

Although I accepted the iTunes message and bought the album anyway - which turned out to be a pre-order - I still could not help wonder what had prompted the message. Had there been an 'influx' of people trying to return iTunes album purchases? How exactly does one return an iTunes album? Are all sales final? Do people really dislike change so much that they want a band to sound the SAME all the time? I actually prefer bands who change their music - I don't consider it to be a "Sell Out" I consider it to be "good business".

What ever the reason iTunes posted this message the fact still remains - as long as I like a band I will continue to buy their albums to support them - regardless of the fact that the music business is being controlled by the Illuminati - but that my friends is another story...

"In the wastelands of today, when there's nothing left to lose and there's nothing more to take but you force yourself to choose" ~ Linkin Park

TURN DOWN THAT INFERNAL RACKET! Kids and that damn rock and roll music!

Somebody That I Used to Know

Wow! It's been 3 months since I have written anything. Today I had an overwhelming urge to get something down on paper. My "trigger" - nostalgia.

My kids found my grade 9 year book. With the high school "closing" there has been many "remember when" events going on around town and I guess curiosity got the better of them. Leafing through the pages the kids recognized many of the parents of their friend - people I never knew in high school. This activity started my reminiscing.

You see, today would have been my 18 year wedding anniversary. Oddly enough just 2 days ago some co-workers were reminding me how much fun my wedding had been and how their husbands had to 'drag' them home that night. The conversation was full of laughter; however, it ended rather abruptly when one person said "what a mistake that was eh?" and another quickly defended me and said "well we all make mistakes".

I think it was these comments that floated around in my head, mixed with the flash backs to 1984, that spurred my urge to write. Thing is, I don't see my marriage as a mistake. I do not regret anything. I have been fortunate enough to have had love in my life - yes I still believe that there was a time when we both really did love each other. I have more good memories than bad memories and 2 wonderful (most of the time) children. Also, had I never gotten married I would not be the person I am today. Sure I would still be great, but I would not be FANTASTIC!

All kidding aside, I have to say that I am glad that my ex-husband is not just 'somebody that I used to know'. I am thankful that he is still a part of my life, albeit a smaller part, but a part nonetheless. I know that I will always love him on some level, regardless of whether he feels the same, and this thought brings me peace and happiness.

My marriage was not a mistake, it was a choice. My choice lead me down a path. That path had joy and sadness, excitement and heartbreak, sunshine and rain but most of the time I walked around in a fog. If it were not for my marriage and my ex-husband I am not sure that I ever would have realized that I was missing so much in my life - living in a fog. The end of my marriage forced me to put myself first - something I had never done before. It caused me to stand up for myself and stop living my life for "others". It allowed me to open my eyes and take a good hard look at who I was and who I wanted to be - my marriage allowed me to grow and become who I am now.

In my books, being an independent, strong, healthy person is not a mistake, it is a happy ending.

Peace