I am still working on removing negativity from my life. This is a never ending and difficult task.
As I become happier I notice that more and more people are negative. The social "norm" appears to be to complain about everything. I must admit that I am guilty of this, which is one of the reasons it is so hard to fight off that big black cloud of negativity.
Once someone starts complaining about something the social convention is to contribute to the conversation. Even if you try to turn the conversation in a positive direction the other parties generally resist any change and tend to become more aggressive in their subliminal attempts to bring you down.
Aside from being rude or walking away, I am unsure how to proceed. I am tired of being dragged into the mire. I am trying to live by the 4 rules and to remain positive, but it is not easy.
I find that so many around me will out right tell me that I am in "denial" when I say that I am happy. When I mention that it is a "great day" I am met with a "yeah right - whatever" response. When I am excited about something I begin to hear all the 'what will go wrong' stories.
I for one am thankful for my health and my children's health. I am happy to have a good job that I enjoy most of the time. I appreciate the friendships I have. I am happy to have my own house in a wonderful neighbourhood.
Sure there are lots of things I could complain about, and there are lots of things in my life that could be better. BUT the flip side is that there are many things in my life that could be much worse!
Again, I come back to - 'you can't control the things that happen to you, all you can do is control how you react to these events'. So I shall continue my battle with the dark forces that surround me as I try to remove the negativity from my personal space.
Peace
Right now I am changing so many things in my life some days it is overwhelming. I am trying to learn to enjoy success, I am trying to change my behaviours, to fulfill my values, I am doing little things daily to bring more happiness into my life. All of these things are a lot of work and sometimes exhausting.
When I started to assess and look at my values I found many of my values were being violated. This to me was the same as being broken. My foundation was cracked. You can't build a house on a cracked foundation without experiencing structural damage down the road. So I am working to fix the cracks in my foundation. I still have a solid base, but there is some reinforcement work required.
As a result of all my personal growth and development my "physical" life sometimes suffers. I have never been a 'clean freak' or an orderly person. I have lived my entire adult life in a familiar state of chaos. I know where to find everything based on the piles of junk. When I tidy up, I am unable to find anything.
An outsider looking into my life may describe me as a slob, a pack rat or even a hoarder - although I know I have no personal attachment to any of the junk. I have noticed that as I have started to focus on my values and begun changing my actions to support my values the physical chaos in my life is beginning to slowly diminish.
I am making a choice to focus on the people in my life right now, instead of my physical surroundings. Myself and my children. Once we are good and solid I will move onto the next project and before you know it this house will be a home. Until then the superficial things in my 'physical' life will have to wait.
Peace
The other day I was driving. The sun was shining, the music was playing and I was heading out for a hike/photo opportunity. Not only was I happy and excited but I was radiating warmth. It was like I had been exposed to a nuclear reactor.
That was when it hit me. I have been worried about my spirit/soul being shattered and replaced by lead and ending up like a stained glass window. The thing about stained glass is that is sparkles much brighter than a plate glass window.
Like it or not the heart break, the grief and the challenges I have faced throughout my journey have made me a better person. Because I am changing/learning from my mistakes I am unwilling to settle, I force myself to find the positive in the most dire moments and I will not tolerate disrespect.
I have learned to appreciate the "little" things in life. To laugh at myself, to smile frequently, to be kind to strangers - overall to treat everyone the way I wish to be treated. Not rocket science by any means, but when life gets busy or stressful these are the first behaviours to disappear. Now that I understand this I frequently remind myself to practice what I preach when stressed.
I have also learned to zone in on what I want. Not specific items, but general concepts - like values and attitude. For the longest time I knew what I didn't like but had no idea what I wanted. You may believe that they are the same thing, but not knowing what you want is really a big deal. I have always known what I didn't like about myself, but once I started to change my behaviour I was unclear on how I would 'replace' the bad behaviours. This was so hard because I didn't know WHAT I wanted.
I needed to figure out my basic needs - or values. Once I started to identify my values 2 things became apparent to me. One, I had no behaviours/actions for some of my values. Two, and more importantly, I was violating some of my values. The BIG violation was my value for respect. I want respect from others, yet I don't respect myself. How on earth will anyone respect me if I don't respect me?
Now I have a "clearly defined work package" to focus on. CHANGE my BEHAVIOUR to RESPECT MYSELF. How do I intend to do this? I am going to start by "treating myself the way I treat others". I will let you know how this turns out.
Peace
So what have I learned over the past few weeks? Well, that life doesn't happen. Shit happens, but not life.
If you don't plan and make goals you are not living life, you are sitting on the side lines. If you spend all your time waiting for the day "when" or like me "remembering when" you are doing yourself a huge disservice.
Life is now! Life is what you make it. You are in control of your life. Sure there are many things that you have no control over, but there are also many thing that you can take charge of. You are the captain of your ship.
I have never "consciously" set goals my entire life. I got an education, got married, bought a house, then had kids because I was "supposed to". I never really put much thought into it. I just did it because it was what I thought was expected of me.
Now here I sit with the knowledge and the desire to LIVE life. Without realizing it I have in fact not only set a couple of goals, but I have achieved them! I have crossed that finish line and been successful. I may not have won the gold medal, but I finished the race and that is all that matters.
How am I going to keep the momentum? For me, I plan to work my goals like a project. I will take the 'big picture' goal and break it into smaller work packages. Then I will work each task in the work package until they are complete. Once all the work packages are done the project will be complete - I mean my goal will have been achieved!
I have learned that you can't boil the ocean. I need to break my dreams down into smaller, attainable, measurable goals. Or as some say - "baby steps". I still have not decided what I will focus on, but I am very excited because all of this means I get to make a LIST!!!
Peace
