Lately I have happened across several articles about adding 'texting words' to the dictionary. This in and of itself does not bother me; I understand the logic behind texting words - lol, brb, lmao. TBH I don't mind texting words, they are fast, efficient and serve a purpose when used for texting.
This rant is more about some current sayings as opposed to words themselves. There are some sayings out there that set my teeth on edge even more than poor grammar. A few years ago 'it is what it is' was introduced to society. I do not know the "origination" of the phrase; however I did read an article about how it was meant to help people accept and embrace changes in their organizations. Somewhere along the way it took a wrong turn. Now the saying comes off as 'tough titties, suck it up buttercup, quit your whining, there is nothing you can do, this is a dictatorship'. Not a positive message at all.
Another phrase, which is also a texting word, YOLO, has veered down that negative path as well. You only live once was meant as a positive statement to 'stop and smell the roses', or to get your nose out of your 'smart phone' and open your eyes! Unfortunately the vast majority of people use it as an excuse to spend beyond their means, participate in reckless activities, justify their self-centred behaviours and forget about simple common place everyday manners.
We already live in an "I want it NOW" society and YOLO has become just another phrase to justify that mentality. I understand, similar to grammar, I can't make anyone use phrases properly. Sometimes you just need to grin and bear it (or is it grin and bare it LOL). Let's face it the English language is confusing enough without adding 'trendy' expressions and anagrams. I mean why is it called 'gas mileage' when it is calculated in litres per kilometre?
The saying that bothers me the most is 'no problem'. What has happened to the words 'you are welcome'? Did they get removed from the dictionary to make room for YOLO? Were too many people confused with your and you're? I don't know about you but when you ask me to do something that goes above and beyond it IS a problem and I most certainly want to you know that I ONLY did it because I quazi-liked you, or it was part of my job, in which case you are still welcome!
Peace
Around this time last year I wrote about giving up something that was very important to me - my martial arts. A year has passed, I miss it more than anything, and I am still ashamed to admit 'why' I had to give it up.
I am hoping that writing this will help me figure it out why I feel so ashamed by not being able to afford something. When I am unable to do something due to financial reasons, a flood of shame and despair wash over me. I get a knot in my stomach; my blood drains from my face and arms and sometimes tears well up in my eyes.
I know it sounds ridiculous but this is how I feel. Logically I understand that I cannot afford everything. It is not the 'everything' that makes me upset - if my kids asked for a boat I would feel no shame in saying 'we can't afford it'. No, I am referring to the little things in life - dinner out, movies and some weeks, groceries.
The breakdown of my marriage left me with a lot of debt. In the early days I did what I needed to get by which did not help reduce my debt; however, I was always careful to ensure that purchases I made in those early days were necessary.
Last year we sat down as a family and built a budget. One year later I see the benefits - not going into debt for car repairs, clothes, and vacation - yet I still feel my heart break when I hear my kids say 'we're poor'. Even though I have shared the finances with them on several occasions to show that we are not poor I can appreciate how they feel.
I don't want this to come off as a 'gripe' about not having enough money and the cost of living. I know I have a great job that pays well and I am choosing to do my best to eliminate my debt. My goal is to try to understand why I feel like a failure when I cannot afford things. Why can't I just say 'no thanks' or in my mind know that it's not in my budget and be fine with that?
What bothers me the most is when there are other people involved. "Let's go for lunch" or "let's do this or that". When someone says 'you want something from Tim's?' and you know you only have 2 dimes and a nickel in your wallet it's embarrassing. I wish I could not be embarrassed by not having money.
I find that now I am intentionally avoiding events, things with friends and life in general because I simply cannot afford to show up. I lie to everyone - myself included. I tell myself 'you didn't want to do that anyway'. I have no answers here. I don't know how to not be ashamed. Logically I know I shouldn't be ashamed since I am not careless with my money but for some reason I still do.
Peace
A book. All of this because of a book. I haven't even started reading the book and it brings tears to my eyes. I don't remember the last time I cried but this book...
I'm not a fan girl, although I love to read and "get into" the characters of a good book. I don't get angry if someone dies, lose sleep over plot twists or spam the author for the next book. If the book is well written I do tend to get wrapped up in the story and I enjoy the break from reality.
So why is a 172 page book I haven't even 'cracked open' making me cry? You know the saying "It's the thought that counts"? Well, it really is the thought that counts! I can't even begin to articulate what this book means to me. It's not the book, the content or even the fact that it was a gift. It's something so much more.
How did this all come about? I was having a casual conversation with the "right person" and suddenly I was holding a book. On the first page was written "The sky is the limit", something so simple. To anyone it seems like no big deal. The thing is no one, not even the person who gave me the book, understands how meaningful this is to me.
This book symbolizes acceptance. Plain and simple - I am good enough. All my life I have heard various versions of 'that's a great idea but...', 'You can't because...', 'You are talented; however,...;', 'You just don't fit into our...' I never seem to meet the cookie cutter stereotypes and in the end I am just not suitable for [fill in the blank].
For the first time ever not only am I appreciated, listened to and acknowledged but I have been accepted for who I am. I am not being told that I could be great if I change - I am being told that I am great the way I am! I finally have someone who believes in me. Someone who sees my potential and does not want to use me rather wants to mentor me and show me how to showcase my abilities.
Years of being put down, brushed off, and not taken seriously have played on my already low self-esteem causing me to keep my thoughts to myself, pull away from others and all of this has resulted in a general lack of trust. Lately there have been many people posting "gratitude" statuses on Facebook. We as a society should be grateful more often. It should not be a "challenge", rather a daily activity.
This is my "grateful" post. I will always be grateful for that person who took the time to truly hear what I was saying and instead of dismissing my dreams, telling me why my dreams were nonsense or giving me an excuse said "let me help you get there", handed me a book and inscribed the book for me.
Peace
