Sunday 29 May 2016

All In The Mind

I've started to figure out why I have such a hard time writing when everything is going well for me. It's because I am living in the moment. The now. I am present.

There are no thoughts swimming through my head. I am just existing. Sure there are still emotions - happiness, sadness, anger, annoyance - all of these are fleeting, like butterflies on a windy day.

Everything is symbiotic. It doesn't mean that everything is wonderful, just peaceful, and my brain is quiet. Deep inside me I know that everything will be fine. Some call it optimistic, I believe that if it is meant to be, it will be. If it's not meant to be things will change.

When things are going well I have no internal issues to resolve. They just seem to resolve themselves with little to no effort. Decisions are simple - yes or no. Focus comes readily for me. So, when you think about it, what is there to write about? How cool it is that I don't need to analyze my issues? How awesome it is to look in from the outside?

The challenge for me is about noticing and appreciating the positive feelings while they are happening, not remembering them in the past. I am great at noticing the negative/ unwanted feelings, not so great at savoring the positive/ wanted feelings. So, this is my first attempt at drawing attention to my "good" moods and appreciating the times when things are going well.

Peace

Sunday 22 May 2016

Too Shy to Scream

One of the best things about being on an emotional roller coaster is that whatever mood you are experiencing will not last long. The ups are extreme and the lows are short lived.

Along with the hills and valleys of emotions comes 'hypersensitivity'. Things that normally don't even cross my mind - like other people's perceptions - haunt me day and night. I find I am constantly thinking about how my actions and words will be perceived by those around me.

This behaviour is something completely new to me. On a whole, I rarely give a rat's ass what people think of me. And for those who know me, I tend to say what I feel without a concern of other's perceptions. So now I question the change in my behaviour.



Why all of a sudden am I so hypersensitive? Why does sarcasm bother me so much? Why is it I cannot tolerate any constant negativity? Why am I disgusted with childish behaviours? And why am I stuck in this "irritated" cycle?

Generally all of these types of behaviours cross my path on a daily basis. I acknowledge the behaviour for what it is and then I move on. For some reason I am stuck. The behaviour agitates me and I dwell on it. Now I am left to try to understand why these behaviours make me so upset.

I am certain this is just a side effect of my emotional roller coaster. It is not something I want to keep in my life. Perhaps the fact that I recognize that I am hypersensitive is an indicator that I am already moving back to a middle ground.

Peace