Ground Hog Day

Bullshit! I have had this word said to me so many times this month. Oddly enough it has been from people who don't even know me. These people, after meeting me, have felt the need to express their disbelief that I am shy, introverted, and suffer from anxiety.

Does this mean that I have been misdiagnosed? No. Perhaps a better question would be 'why am I sharing my anxiety disorder with strangers?' Well, as you know I have become tired of letting my anxiety run my life and I have started a confrontational approach to dealing with it. For me this means that I try to confront one of my fears each day.

For a few months now I have been going out and meeting new people - facing one of my fears. Because I have been doing this for a while now - meeting new people has become much easier for me and is gradually creating less anxiety for me.

In addition to tackling my disorder head on I have joined an anxiety workshop. Many people in this group have a hard time believing that I suffer from anxiety at all. What these people don't know is all the hard work I have done over the last couple of years in an attempt to cope with my anxiety.

I would like to overcome my anxiety; however, the first thing I learned in my workshop is that there is no cure for anxiety. Like diabetes, anxiety can only be treated. It would appear that I am genetically hard wired to think and worry - which in turn causes anxiety. Which means, like it or not, I need to learn to cope.

Now I have no intention of letting my genetic make-up get the better of me. I am fully aware that I think too much, which in turn causes me to worry. So I am going to use my 'thinking' and love of learning to my advantage! I intend to learn how to cope and minimize my thinking and in turn reduce my anxiety.

Everyone has anxiety. My issue is my anxiety is either disproportionate to the situation or irrational - and sometimes both. Some time ago I pondered "why" I have such a difficult time dealing with the breakdown of my marriage over the weekends. My thinking back then was that I was upset because weekends were always "family" time.

I am beginning to understand that I am not "pining" for my old family life on my weekends. Rather the contrary is happening - on the weekends my brain is unoccupied - which allows me to think - which in turn allows me to worry - and the end result is anxiety. During the week I have work, martial arts and the kid's activities to occupy my time and my mind. On the weekends my brain is free to wander - a very dangerous activity for me! 

Instead of becoming busy beyond belief I now understand that I need to learn to CONTROL my thinking - which is the purpose of my workshop. I am SO EXCITED for this opportunity and I eagerly await my next workshop.

Peace