It would seem that modifying my bad behaviours was a lot easier than I had imagined it would be. The emails and social media were very simple - delete the apps - but texting was a bit more difficult to deal with.
You see you cannot delete the Messages app. But as you know I am beyond stubborn and found a way to turn off all notifications and sounds associated with a text message. Last but not least I 'hid' the app. Then the fun began! The first few days I would 'go fish' for the app and check 4-5 times a day to see if I had received any text messages. As the week progressed I was down to checking only once a day.
Then the most wonderful thing started to happen. I started 'loosing' my phone. One day I left it at work, another in the car. One time I had to borrow the kid's phone to call my phone - silly me - I misplaced it in my gym bag. I'm not one for loosing or forgetting things so this behaviour is new for me - and I am really enjoying it!
I have thought about just leaving my phone in my purse, but I do listen to my music a lot. I have only given up electronic communication, not all electronics. For some reason people have a hard time understanding that. The other day Child #2 yelled at me for watching TV.
My successfulness in breaking this habit was made a lot easier by 'announcing' through social media that I would be going off all forms of electronic communication. As such, most people stopped contacting me electronically or all together. So does this help me with my problem? Or does it just make it worse? I really don't know.
What I do know I really don't miss being addicted to my phone. I don't miss the feelings of "obsession". I don't miss falsely believing that everyone else has a great life but me. I don't miss the feelings of disappointment when I check my phone only to see that no one has contacted me.
I know it is still early in my experiment but I have already had a couple of very positive changes in my personal life as a result of my decision. Regardless of how long this experiment continues, and the inconvenience I have caused others, it has already been well worth my efforts.
Peace
Not even a week into my personal challenge and I have been inundated with nay sayers. Several people have taken the time to advise me that my endeavours are not practical and cannot be maintained. My choices are my choices. No one needs to agree with my choices or understand my decisions.
I'm tired of being a slave to my phone, computer and tablet. I'm tired of checking incessantly to see if I have received any texts, emails or updates from anyone. It's an addiction I am determined to break! And let's be honest - I have nothing to lose by trying. My current behaviours are only doing me harm.
You have no idea how pleasant it has been to not have to "pay attention" always 1/2 listening for that "ding" of a text message. Out of politeness when you hear that "ding" you try to stay focused on the conversation you are having but your mind wanders to the unknown text message waiting - eating away at the back of your mind. Finally you cave, excuse yourself from the conversation, eagerly grabbing your phone to see who texted you and why. As you read the text disappointment sets in as all it says is "hi".
I don't miss these feelings and behaviours one bit! I am enjoying the lack of distraction I feel from electronic communications. While I still have work to do my constant obsession to check for messages, emails or missed calls has diminished greatly. This has allowed me to focus, and yes, ENJOY other tasks.
My time is the only thing of value that I have. I am choosing to use my time in more meaningful ways. Instead of texting, emailing or FaceBooking birthday wishes to a friend I decided to call and verbally express my birthday wishes. Why? Because this person means so much to me that I CHOSE to make the time to call.
While my current experiment may not be practical as a lifestyle it is currently bringing me a great deal of peace and happiness. My choices are my choices and I am the only person that needs to walk this path and see where it leads.
"It's getting harder just keeping life and soul together. I'm sick of fighting even though I know I should." ~ Nik Kershaw
Peace
Samhain is a Gaelic festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of winter. Samhain was observed in Scotland, Ireland and the Isle of Man. According to studies done by Scottish social anthropologist Sir James Frazer, Samhain was referred to as the Celtic New Year and on the eve of October 31st bonfires (samhnagans) could be seen all along Scotland's highland line.
So why my interest in Gaelic history? Well the premise of Samhain was to release what does not serve us anymore and to be reborn in a new life. This is exactly where I am right now. For a couple of months now I have been assessing everything in my life. Soul searching if you will.
Several people have told me that I try too hard. Why do I do this? Well I don't ever want anyone to say "would it have hurt you to try?" But I am done trying. I'm tired of initiating, I'm tired of planning, I'm tired or organizing, I'm tired of having to reach out, I'm tired of asking.
There are many things in my life that no longer serve a positive purpose - people, activities and things. In the spirit of Samhain I am choosing to remove these negative influences from my life - the biggest culprit being technology.
I'm tired of being a prisoner of technology - specifically electronic communication. I need to interact with flesh and blood people, face to face. I don't like the false sense of security/ connectedness this type of communication gives. None of it is real - it is simply "perceived".
I am clearing the mist and haze of deception that surrounds my life and I am stepping into the sunlight. I am leaving all technology in my personal life behind. I will no longer be accepting emails, text messages, or reading people's posts on FaceBook. Today I release myself from what no longer serves my wellbeing.
My decision may seem drastic to some; however, there is an underlying reason that has lead me to this place. I feel like too many expectations have been placed on me. I am tired of delivering when I receive nothing in return. I am feeling like my relationships are a 1-way street and it's time to turn around and drive the wrong way for a while.
Peace
