Right now the only constant in my life is change, but I have quickly learned that there are different types of change - change I can control and change I can't control. The majority of the changes I face right now are out of my control.
I find it very disheartening when I put so much time and effort into changing certain aspects of my life only to be met with resistance. Many people who have known me 'forever' refuse to believe or acknowledge that I have changed. They are convinced I am 'acting', or 'kidding myself' that I am different, or they just don't take anything I say seriously.
I have given up the fantasy that I can change others. I know all I can do is change myself. Does my new self awareness and focus intimidate those around me? Do my 'friends' prefer me to be a weak, vulnerable, dependent individual?
I am at a loss here. All I am trying to do is be a better person, but sometimes I feel like it is all in vain. Some may argue that there was nothing wrong with the 'old' me, but I disagree. None of us is perfect, we can all improve and learn from our mistakes, and that is all I am trying to do, but it feels like all I have accomplished is to 'piss' people off.
I knew this last leg of my journey would be difficult, but I honestly underestimated how difficult it would truly be.