Crying Over You

Crying. Not everyone cries. Me, I am a cryer. When my emotions run too high I find that a good cry always helps. If I don't have a "planned cry" when my emotions are reaching the critical point I find the tears just start flowing and usually at a most inappropriate time.

For me crying is a way to release the 'overload' of emotions - whether the emotions are sadness, happiness, fear or frustration the end result is the same - tears. I am more prone to crying when I am tired - either physically or emotionally.

Unfortunately lack of sleep goes hand in hand for me and emotional overload! When my emotions are running "high" I tend to have insomnia as well. Again my emotions are not always bad - sometimes I am like a kid before Christmas mornings - I am SO EXCITED about something that I can't sleep!

As I write this at 3:25 on a Thursday night (or more appropriately Friday morning) I start to question my ability to hold my "MIDDLE" ground My goal was to stay in drive - not fast forward and not parked - but drive. With my return to writing have I unintentionally shifted into high gear? Am I setting myself up to crash and burn?

I am quickly learning that there is a fine line between being passionate about something and being obsessed. Where do you draw the line? This is my challenge - since I KNOW I already have a tendency to be an "all" or "nothing" type of person - "half-assed" doesn't work for me. I tend to give everything my best shot and my all and if it doesn't work out only then will I move on.

But here's my issue. What happens when it works out? No one can be expected to continue FOREVER at 100%! You are only asking for bouts of insomnia and irrational behaviour. Minor "snags" will then become major catastrophes. Bumps in the road will become insurmountable road blocks.

So how does one slow things down enough to keep the momentum going and not stall out or get a speeding ticket? Perhaps I need to invent cruise control for emotions - oh, wait they have them - won't do that again! Okay - I need to learn to do this WITHOUT medication! This is something that I am still muddling my way through. It may entail some sleepless nights. It may result in me 'crashing and burning'. Or I may actually succeed at keeping my emotions at a nice leisurely pace. Whatever the outcome I KNOW I will be fine. The difference now for me is that I KNOW what is going on with me. I UNDERSTAND why this is happenings. And I am CERTAIN I will be stronger in the end regardless of what happens in between now and then.

I know that I am not alone in the land of insomnia. Thanks to Facebook I see several family and friends suffer from this as well. So when I have my "planned" cry I will ensure that I shed some tear for you all as well! Happy tears - not sad tears - or perhaps tears of frustration!

Peace