Minority

Let's face it - I am different - always have been, always will be. I usually enjoy being different but when there is an expectation that you behave a "certain way" in the dating world my uniqueness is a challenge. I get tired of "pretending" to "fit it" and behave/ feel the way that everyone expects. If I don't "play the game" I am the odd man out or black sheep - when all I really want is to be accepted for who I am.

My uniqueness allows me to be GREAT at my job. I am able to think outside the box, see things from all sides and suggest solutions. In my personal life my unique ability to see things from a different perspective allows me to be very useful in conflict resolution. It also fuels my creativity; I often see beauty in common place objects others would dismiss as boring or ugly.

Perhaps it's not my uniqueness that bothers me. Maybe it's my perception that I don't belong anywhere because of my differences. In my life there are

few people who like the things I like and even fewer who "get me" on a philosophical level. And I have yet to find anyone who understands me on an emotional level, so the best I can hope for is acceptance.

I used to think that only people who were single/ divorced could relate to my feelings but I have quickly learned that relationship status is not a common denominator. I think that because I see the entire universe differently than most I also FEEL things differently than most.

Child #1 reminded me the other day that I am a strong, independent person and not many people know how to interact with someone who needs no one. As proud as I was that my child was able to observe and articulate my personal traits her words felt like daggers in my heart. Is this really the impression that I give others?

I don't choose to be strong - I choose to keep living my life one day at a time. I don't choose to need no one - I have been hurt so many times I have learned the only person I can count on is myself. I don't choose to be independent - oh wait - I do! In fact I choose all of these things - and you know what - I am happy with my decisions. I don't know that I could be any other way...trust me I have tried...and failed.

So where does that put me? I am different. I am not like "most" of the people I know. I don't really "fit in" anywhere. No one really "gets me" or understands my emotional needs. But regardless of all of this I am a great person - once I am emotionally attached to you, you have a friend for life (sorry about your luck) and rest assured I will always have your back.

This is who I am and I can't change this part of me as it is part of my core. Right now one of my biggest challenges is determining "who" deserves my emotional investments. I have learned all too painfully that not everyone deserves me in their life. So how do you know if you are one of the 'chosen ones'? Trust me, you will know. It may take many years of 'dealing with me' but you will know.

Peace