I Got Dumped...Again

Yes, you heard me. I sat there, the blood draining from my face, arms tingling as a knot arose in my stomach, everything moving in slow motion as I heard the words being uttered "I don't think we need to schedule another appointment". My insides screamed "NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

That's right, I was dumped by my therapist. Apparently I am one of the most "aware of myself" patients this therapist has ever seen. Although medical professionals seldom refer to spiritual practices I was told that I am a unique individual with a highly developed 'third eye'. My only issue is my self doubt - for which I have been enrolled in a "self esteem" class.

As I begged and pleaded for 1 or 2 more sessions, perhaps every other month or something

like that, the lecture continued. I need to listen more to my body and what it is telling me and not what other around me say/feel/or I believe them to think. Right - that's easier said than done. Worry more about me? What a novel idea. How am I going to do that?

Getting a clean bill of health on the sanity scale has not diminished my desire to write or my need to write. What has prevented me from writing is that I seem to have lost the TIME to write. Somewhere along the line I have lost a bunch of time. So, I started a root cause analysis.

I may be a 'well adjusted' individual who has learned many 'coping' skills to deal with stress and anxiety, but let me tell you - when the stress and anxiety is coming at you from your work and your home life all that 'coping' drains you emotionally. As I have mentioned, for the first time in a long time I am happy. Unfortunately my self doubt has started to creep into my subconscious and is beginning to wreck havoc. My only option now is to slow things down.

Right now I have no control over many of the things that are going on in my life - so rather than worry about the things I cannot control I am doing my best to manage the things I can control. In the beginning this was a minute by minute process but it is gradually getting easier and taking less effort. I have become aware that I can control "how" I move through my life and right now I choose to slow down and see the scenery - or as they say 'stop and smell the roses'.

I received an email the other day at work. The quote under the picture sums up my rants and raves perfectly. ~Life is not the way it's supposed to be...it's the way it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference."

Peace