The Long Way Home

Does taking the 'high road' always make you a better person? Or does it just make you a chump?

When I started my journey I was wandering aimlessly through a dark forest. Afraid of monsters behind every rock and tree. I felt nothing but pain, loss and fear.

Eventually I found myself in a mire. Everything was foggy. There was no pain or any emotion for that matter. I spent a long time in the mire, shut down, closed off from everything and everyone.

Then one day I found a path. The path lead out of the fog and into the sunlight. The path emerged at the base of a mountain. I started to climb the mountain without any climbing gear. Along the way I have fallen a few times, but I have always maintained a sense of direction.

I now find myself at a cross road - uncertain of the correct path to follow. It is in my nature to see the best in people and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Now I find myself questioning this behaviour - especially since it is impacting me directly.

How many chances do you give someone? My friends and family all told me that this day would eventually come, but I told them that it wouldn't because I "believed" people could change. I "hoped" that others would see the "errors" of their way and appreciate things they had in their lives. So now I am here saying it out loud - I WAS WRONG. 

I now find that I need to stop "believing" that others will behave honourably. I need to start accepting that some people just don't care about anyone or anything but themselves. I need to understand that not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Having said this aloud I feel absolutely heartbroken. Another piece of my soul has been turned to lead. Have I become bitter or just a realist? Where is the line between asking to be treated respectfully and being a bitch? Am I so afraid of being seen as a bitch that I won't demand respect?

I have decided to heed the advice of friends and put my needs first. I know what is best for myself and my children. If I don't stand up for us who will?

Peace