The Future Is Now!

A very good friend of mine told me something the other day...okay, just kidding. A very good friend of mine ASKED me the other day "how I was doing". This question always makes me stop and think. Is this my 'permission' to release the hounds? Or is this person just being polite.

In keeping with my promise to live in the now, I started to type my email response only to pause yet again. Problem number two - I am doing GREAT! I have been so happy with myself and my life since June and although I could complain I don't want to. So what exactly is the issue that that? Well my fear is that once I put these words in writing - or say them aloud some sort of "COSMIC" being will go "Oh, she's far too happy, gotta squash that now" and SPLAT!

HA! When I read this - it sounds silly, but fears are not always rational. Anyway, even though I have been very happy since the beginning of the summer, my summer was not without its issues. The BIG issue being that my ex and I shared a great deal of one-on-one time over the summer. My inherent nature to treat everyone, including my ex, with respect lead to us spending lengthy hours conversing at baseball games and various other activities that involved the kids.

At first this was EXTREMELY difficult for me as all I wanted to do was [punch him in the face] (I will keep this G rated). After a while I found myself enjoying our conversations - which to be honest was confusing for me. And then one day - lo and behold I had a TRUE "light bulb" moment! I realized I was talking TO HIM. We were not having conversations; we were not connecting; we were not sharing; it was a ONE-WAY street. My 'light bulb' moment - I FINALLY understood why we were no longer married. I am a 2-way street kinda gal - I WANT my relationship to go both ways!

I believe that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. When you reach the point where you just don't care about the other person any more it is over. According to my ex it was over before we got married. For me it just happened this summer.

"When" it happens doesn't really matter. For me it was a very long process that most likely started years before the breakdown of my marriage and was only 'sped up' by recent events. Why was it a long process? For me I believe that it was because of my personality. I tend to see the POSITIVE in everyone! I have HOPE that people can and WILL live up to their potential. I don't like to give up! I LOVE to solve the UNSOLVABLE problem and HELP people see all that they can be.

And that my friends is exactly what my marriage was - an unsolvable problem. Through my travels I have learned that not everything requires an answer and sometimes you just need to let go - and once I did - I was able to love again! I don't regret anything. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned - but most of all I am thankful that we BOTH have chosen to be respectful to each other. I am fully aware that 'his being nice to me' made me confused at times and complicated my process of 'letting go' - but the future is now and now I’m disappearing.

Peace