I work hard every day. I am raising two kids on my own. I have their activities and my own activities throughout the week and on weekends. There is only so much time in any given day. Lately I have been neglecting my own personal interests - not for anyone - but because I can only do so much and I am burnt out physically and emotionally.
I know it is important to pursue my own interests - if I'm not happy - no one around me is happy. But that is a different story. My reason for writing today is to sort out my thoughts and feelings around what others have told me are 'neediness' and 'desperation'.
I have realized that I can't keep a relationship for more than 3 weeks because I am "too committed" and that terrifies men. So I have tried the "I'll see where I can pencil you in" approach and that was disastrous as well. This time around I have been open and honest simply stating "I don't like not knowing when or if I will see you again".
The fact that I have to make this statement leaves me wondering if I am just meeting the "wrong" people or is there something "wrong" with me? When I like someone I want to spend time with them, but I have learned to not give up all the activities in my life - that is unrealistic. Now I wonder what is the right amount of time to spend with someone? Twice a week? Once a week? Every other week? Once a month?
I know that each person is different and there needs to be a 'middle ground'. I also know that when the frequency decreases the end is eminent. What I sit here pondering is when no arrangements are made to meet because that represents too much commitment - what exactly does that mean?
So call me desperate, call me needy, call me too much of a commitment - I don't care. My time is my time and if you don't want to spend time with me I'm sure there is someone out there who will appreciate my time.
Peace
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