Cat, Book and Candle

Wow, it's official. I have writer's block. I have started 2 different notes but neither has inspired me to continue writing more than a few sentences. This is the hardest time I have had writing one of these things.

Perhaps the pressure of having an audience is now getting to me. Before I never had anyway of knowing if anyone was reading my posts. Now I know how many viewers I have (by hour), the country the viewer is from and even the browser they are using. I am now feeling pressure to perform and fear of failure is sinking in.

Writing about one's inner most thoughts and feelings is not easy. Many people have a hard time even expressing this kind of stuff to themselves - never mind sharing it with others. When I first speak to someone I know has been reading my blogs there is always an awkward silence. Neither of us knows what to say. For the most part I just try to be myself and move on.

Today I crossed paths with a very interesting woman. I don't know all of her story but what came out of our conversation was that she had always wanted to open a store but was afraid because everyone told her that it wouldn't work. After all but forgetting her dream - a store unit came up for rent 2 blocks from her house. She took this to be a sign and in March of this year she opened her store in this unit. She squashed all her fears and now she is happier than she has ever been in her life and does not regret anything.

This made me think about my fears. When I returned home from her store I pulled out my 'fear' list. When my ex-husband left one of my exercises was to make a list of my fears. At the time I had 12 fears. As I look at these fears now I laugh. When I wrote the list each item shook every fibre of my being and now a year later I laugh at them.

It's not that I have no fears - because I do. It's just that my fears were unfounded. They were fear of the unknown or based on misinformation. One of my silly fears was that I would not be able to support my kids. At the time this was a real fear for me, but now that I own my own house and car I see how silly this fear was.

Oddly enough this whole topic comes back to change. Like it or not everything changes. My fears today will be "silly" in a year from now so why should I let them get in the way of living my life?

Peace