So I Sez to My Doctor

Clinical depression is an illness that I take very seriously. I have been treated twice in my lifetime for clinical depression. My treatment involved both medication (for the chemical imbalance) and therapy (for the emotional imbalance). I am writing about this because someone was concerned about my well being and was kind enough to write to me about it. I truly appreciate and admire those who are able to speak out regarding their concerns for someone else. Thank you!

Your concern about me suffering from clinical depression is always on at the forefront of my mind. Throughout my entire journey I have been in therapy. For a brief time I was prescribed and anti-anxiety/anti-depressant, but at no time has my therapist or family doctor expresses a concern regarding depression.

I on the other hand, having suffered from it, am always concerned about depression creeping back into my body and sucking the life out of me. I meticulously track how many "down days" I have and record all of the factors that may have contributed to my depressed state. If I can't get myself out of my depressed state using the coping skills I have learned through therapy - I begin my "call a lifeline (friend)" for guidance and grounding.

I often question if I am suffering from full blown depression or if I am simply in a depressed state. For those of us who have been diagnosed with clinical depression this is a blurry line. There is no clear defining "AHA!" moment that indicates you have fallen too far down the rabbit hole. So I try to gauge my over all happiness with my overall sadness.

Truth is I am happy more than I am sad. My readers may not see this because in all honsety - the world loves a tragedy. The other reason is that I write to work through my person issues. All of the things I write about are things that hurt me, anger me, or scare the crap out of me. As I write and learn how to deal with these emotions and issues it can be very overwhelming and as a result my posts can be very dark and depressing.

My feelings and words in these posts are most definately real, as is the sorrow and the heartache I feel when I write them, but I have not yet had a day when I did not feel so much better after publishing these posts. Like talking to my therapist - writing my feelings out makes me feel better and sharing my feelings makes me feel less alone.

Rest assured when I see my therapist next week I will definately ask if there is a concern that I am suffering from clinical depression and I will take any medication my doctor prescribes should the answer be "yes". In closing - I do not take your comments lightly nor do I intend to make light of depression - it is a very serious disease that is entirely treatable and for those who suffer from it without proper medication and counselling it can be debilitating. Okay I will now get off my soap box and start my day.

Peace