I Lost My Shoe

So, it turns out I am not broken. After trips to my doctor, a 'specialist' and my therapist the end result is I am NORMAL! Me? Normal? Huh? Who would have thought.

In fact - it would seem that I am even better than normal. I have been using my coping skills with expertise and the fact that I went to seek assistance when I wasn't sure what was going on with me was a sign of 'having it all together' not a sign of weakness.

As for "why" I have been off lately? Well the obvious reason is fairly straight forward. The 'Last of my Firsts' trip to the cottage rattled my emotional state more than I would like to admit, but this did not explain the knots in my stomach - or as the professionals like to call it - anxiety.

I have been feeling anxious lately. It has been worrying me - hence the visits to the professionals and my lack of writing. After 4 visits with various medical professionals I learned something new - apparently anxiety is not always a bad thing. It was clear to these medical professionals (and I am certain somewhat funny to them) that my recent anxiety was a result of positive changes happening in my life.

Hmmm...happiness and excitement - two emotions that have been out of my life for some time now. No wonder I didn't recognize them. The anxiety I have been feeling is simply a side effect of making so many changes all at once - going back to school, dating, joining new social groups, taking up new activities/hobbies, and my rapidly changing body weight. Add to the mix my lack of sleep and ongoing journey of grief, forgiveness and healing and well - knots in my stomach.

The solution - keep doing what I am doing but a little bit slower and not so much. Apparently the best thing for anxiety is to face it head on - which I have been doing by 'stepping out of my comfort zone'. I have just gone a little bit overboard and need to stop taking on so many changes at once.

Like all vehicles I have several gears but recently I have only been using 'park' and 'reverse'. I have been so worried about being stuck in 'reverse' that I never noticed I had slipped into 'overdrive'. So my focus this month is to shift into 'drive' without striping the gears and spend some time enjoying the "NOW".

Peace