As Clear As Mud

I was on Facebook this morning looking at the comments of my recently posted pictures and in the side bar there was a picture of a monkey with my cousin’s name on it. So I went to check out the photos. The photos were taken by my cousin’s sister-in-law – who has her own photo studio and posts “Photo of the Day” by Imagine My Photo. As I clicked through the beautiful shots of scenery, children and many other subjects there was 1 photo that stuck in my mind. It was a picture of a lizard. It wasn’t so much the picture that caught my interest it was the text she had written below ~ “Shed the skin you don’t want and start fresh”.

I think this message stuck in my head because it reinforces my belief that we all have the ability to change. Change is not an easy thing. Change is often a scary thing. Change is like stirring up the water in a fish bowl – one minute everything is calm, clear and apparent – the next the waters are hazy, rough and tumultuous. Many people perceive change to be a necessary evil and frown upon it.

I always thought I was open and receptive to change; however, I have learned that I am quite the opposite. We took a seminar at work about change and at the beginning there was a questionnaire that rated us on our receptiveness to change – I rated a 2 out of 5. I was on the low end of the scale, one of the ones who didn’t like change. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that I was resistant to change. What the heck happened? I used to be adventurous, I used to be spontaneous, I used to love to live life on the edge – what happened and where did that person go?

This work seminar took place almost 2 years ago. Since this realization I have made a huge effort to overcome my fear of change and ‘go with the flow’. It is not an easy battle, and yes I would call it a battle – some days just getting myself out the door is a battle. I am not a tiger trying to change her stripes, but more like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. Or for those who have been by my side day in and day out through my transformation, a bear waking up from hibernation! I sometimes slip into my old habits and give myself the old excuses “I’m too tired”, “I don’t have enough time”, “I won’t know anyone there”, “I just wanted to do NOTHING today”. Sometimes the ‘new’ me wins and sometimes the ‘old’ me wins but I have noticed that when the ‘old’ me wins I often start to regret my decision as I start to image what I could have been doing instead...

Right now compromise seems to the solution for me. I don’t deal well with ambiguity, so I need to take baby steps for my own sanity. What is a compromise for me? Well right now it would be to find an activity that gets me out of the house but not necessarily interacting with an entire group of strangers (new people). Being nice and chatting with people I don’t know (in line at the store, in the street, etc.). Emailing people and praising them for their amazing work – earlier today I sent an email to my cousin’s sister-in-law telling her how much I admired her photographic work. Or if I am in the “I just wanted to do NOTHING today” mood, walking to the park and reading a book under a tree (yes I know this is a solitary activity, but I now do it in a public place)...again BABY STEPS! I am not trying to become a DIFFERENT person – I am trying to become the kind of person I know I am inside. I would like to think that my closest friends already know I am this kind of person – but I want to push myself out of my comfort zone and start letting the world know that I am this kind of person!

Peace