Could I Get That in Writing?

Originally posted July 14, 2011 on Facebook.

A friend of mine asked me the other day if it would be ‘ok’ if she contacted my ex. It seems that their hot water heater was broken. Of course I had no issues with giving her the ex’s contact information and hoped that he would be able to help them out with their water heater issue.

This event got me thinking. When you get a divorce do you automatically divorce your ex’s friends? Is this something I should have put in the divorce agreement? Who gets what friends? If you were friends with them BEFORE we were a couple you get to keep them? What if they were friends we made WHILE we were a couple? Are these people up for grabs? Having never dated anyone BUT my ex – what is the etiquette when a couple splits?

And what about family? I like my ex-mother-in-laws family. Do I need to sever all ties with them because I am now not part of the family? How does that work? I have seen several members of the ex-family over the last year and they have all asked me to keep in touch. Was it just a nicety? Or did they really mean it? I'm sure that there are some of you that would like to lose the in-laws all together, but I happen to like mine.

I have been hiding in a hole for so long that this revelation is only starting to hit me now. I miss quite a few of my ex’s friends. Some of them go back years. I wonder if I should call or if it will make things awkward because they now socialize with my ex and the new ‘Mrs’.

My intent in writing this was to express my confusion in regards to the proper divorce protocols, but now I am observing that the amount of ‘loss’ extends further than myself and my children. It is times like this that I am proud of myself for being beyond civil with my ex – it makes it easier to maintain connections with my ex-family and the ex’s friends. From some of the divorce horror stories I have heard – I know that I am lucky.

Peace