Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes You Don’t

Originally posted July 12, 2011 on Facebook.

I realize that this journey is not something that is meant to be fast or easy. I also realize that no one can be happy all the time. My purpose in writing these notes is to heal, mourn and forgive.

Today I am having a hard time seeing all that I have accomplished so far. My heart hurts, my smile is MIA and my eyes have pools of tears so deep that I feel I might drown in them. Add to this my support system failed. So ultimately I have been left to my own devices to pick myself up.

I have to admit that I haven’t fared so well. I have fallen into my old habits. I have tried several of the new coping methods I have learned, to no avail. It is days like this that I realize that I must force myself to do exactly what I don’t want to do!

I have to remind myself that this is a journey, not a straight road to a destination. My journey is through the wood and takes many winding and twisting paths, some of which cross back on themselves. Sometimes I will lose my way and I could end up taking the same path over and over. But I believe that given all I have learned so far that if I am unable to find my true path shortly I will stop and ask for directions.

Peace