The Last of the Firsts

I was wrong. I am still a mess. My stomach is in knots and everything is making me cry. I should be glad to be going away but I am not. I am returning to a familiar place that holds more than just family memories – it was the beginning of my end.

My family has been renting a cottage up north for years. Not always the same cottage/same lake, but this is something that we have done for years. The last time I went was 2 years ago. It was here that my ex-husband told me that he wasn’t happy in our marriage. He said many not so nice things to me with the main one being he wasn’t sure he wanted to be married to me anymore.

Last year I couldn’t go. I wasn’t strong enough so I took my ‘new’ family on a new adventure to Tennessee. This year I asked the kids what they wanted to do. They wanted to go to the cottage. So off we go.

So...why would go back especially when I don’t want to go back? I don't know but on this journey I have felt compelled to do certain things. Sometimes I don’t even understand why I feel I MUST do certain things. I just know that I have to face my fears. There has been so much loss for everyone involved in this from family to friends and I just want to take back some of the stuff that has been lost along the way.

After a relationship ends it is the “First” occurrence of things that seems to be the worst. The first Christmas, first birthday, you get the idea. I have covered all the ‘firsts’ with the exception of this. So off I go to conquer my “last of the firsts”.

Peace