Five Is the Loneliest Number

Socializing is difficult when you are single and everyone else is married. I know my friends go above an beyond to make me feel comfortable but somehow it is still awkward for me. Will it ever get better?

Having been part of a couple my entire adult life I am finding it a difficult transition. When we chat or play cards I am reminded of only the good times I had with my ex-husband. It would be nice if I could remember the bad times - it would make everything that much easier.

My ex-husband gave me a lot of reasons for why he was leaving me. One of the reasons that sticks in my mind is that I am too negative. As I sit here remembering only the good things I wonder "how" I can only see the good in him, even after everything, if I am such a negative person. My kids also say "why do you see the negative" when I ask them to bring water or running shoes when we head out. I don't see 'being prepared' as being negative, but the comments still hurt. Having been in a negative environment my entire adult life I wonder if I will ever be able to break free and see the bright side of the dark side.

As my week at the cottage winds down I am flooded with memories - both good and bad - and ALL of them painful. Tears stream readily down my face as I write this note, but I can't stop writing. The noise the pencil makes on the paper is soothing and the pencil strokes are cleansing. I need to release myself from the past and take the LEAP into my future.

A quote from one of my favourite bands comes to mind as I wrap things up ~The hardest part of ending is starting over again.

Here I am starting over again. It is overwhelming, it is frightening, and it is my life - so I CHOOSE to enjoy every bit of it and see the POSITIVE in change!

Peace